Sextuple your miles in a Hilton!

Since I would rather shove a fork into my eye while chugging vinegar while listening to slow country music than drive from North Carolina to Louisiana (and back) by myself again, I fly any time I go home. Gas is down to its lowest price in several years (and still falling), so I could actually save money by driving home. But if you think I'm going to endure that without absolutely having to, then you're crazy. It's a long, long drive, and the prudent thing to do would be to split the trip up, sleeping somewhere for a while -- or getting a good night's sleep and beginning the drive in the morning. But I'm not going to fritter away all those hours that could be spent with my family just so I could "play it safe" by leaving early. I'm going to milk my time off for all it's worth. Plus, I'm 23. It's clear to me by now that I'm going to live forever, so I can risk falling asleep at the wheel and endangering myself and everyone else around me. Those precious hours are valuable hours that could be spent away from the Marine Corps. I don't have any overall problem with the military, but if they didn't give us four- and five-day weekends for every federal holiday, there would be mutiny. Sometimes you just gotta get away from the gayness.

So because I fly so often, my brother encouraged me to look into an airline miles program. I enrolled in Delta SkyMiles, and I get emails from them occasionally, and this last one made me look twice. Look at this screenshot:



Is that for real? Hilton Hotels, namesake of the family that spawned Paris Hilton, the girl who's famous but no one really knows why. Or they know why, they just don't choose to accept the fact that the only reason she's famous is because of that sex tape she made. Had anyone heard of her before that? She rode (cough cough) the infamy of that tape to celebrity, making her America's most famous porn star. And that's how babies are made.

But that can't be an accident. Sextuple miles. Are they trying to be risqué? No, we cannot all be adults about this, because that is too glaring to just look the other way. They couldn't have picked a different multiple to use, like five or even seven? Maybe I should call and ask. I'm sure the support person who answers the phone in India will give me a straight answer.